


Silence is golden

by Alessariel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, One shot?, Short Story, magic is scary, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1253179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alessariel/pseuds/Alessariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Power cannot be contained forever. It needs an outlet.</p><p>Merlin bears the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence is golden

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to convince myself that I could.
> 
> I'd like to write another chapter with Merlin in Camelot, but I don't know wether that will happen or not. Tags may change if I do. Relationship tag applies if I do.

"Merlin, honey, listen to me."

"Yes, mommy?"

"I know it's hard to understand, but you must never do this again. You must not show anyone what you can do."

"But why? It's so much fun!" 

"It marks you as different, love. People hate what is different from them. They hate what they don't understand."

"But ..."

"I'm sorry, love, but you need to understand. If you show what you can do, what you are, we will be in great danger, you and me. Bad things will happen to us. People might hurt us. Please, I'm so sorry, love, I know you're too young, but you need to do as I tell you."

"... Yes, mommy."

***

He tries. He closes his eyes, laying on his straw matress at night, balling his fists and willing it to go away. It does not matter that this power inside of him makes him feel more alive than anything else. He won't let them hurt his mom. Everyone else is normal, it's him that's the problem. So he wishes and he wills and he tries, and for a time, it works.

***

"I really wish it would stop raining." he says and ten minutes later the sun comes out.

He's happy, feeling tingly all over. Life isn't so bad after all.

***

"Merlin, shmerlin!"  
"Clotpole!"  
"Bastard!"

"Am not!"

"Are so! Your mother doesn't even know who your dad was or she would tell!"

"That's not true!"

"It's true, everyone knows it! You're a dirty little bastard, Merlinshmerlin!"

"Leave me alone! Go away and never come back!"

He's astonished when the older boys actually do run off after that.

The search starts the next day. The boys are never found.

***

She's nice to him. She smiles at him and sometimes she'll give him a sweet roll, fresh from the oven. Her brown hair is always tucked underneath a scarf because she's sweating when she works the oven, but to him she's the prettiest, kindest girl alive.

"You ... you smell as sweet as roses." he stammers out one day, blushing, and she smiles and gives him a full loaf of bread instead of the half one he can afford.

The next day people start to remark on the sweet cloying scent coming from the bakery. It's intense and pungent, and it settles in the dough of the bread and the rolls. By the end of the week the girl is a wreck and her father a menace, swearing loudly to anyone who'll listen that he'll kill that fucking sorcerer that put this curse on his poor daughter.

Some people remember Hunith's strange boy and the rumours, and eyes turn hostile and distrustful.

***

He tries to undo it. His mother gives him these sad knowing looks and he tries. He thinks of opposites, tells himself stories about unpleasant smelling things, but he only makes it worse, turning the smell of roses to that of rotten fishes. The girl and her family are forced to leave the village, seeking help elsewhere.

That night, Merlin cries and screams and rages.

The next day, he goes silent.

***

His mother's face becomes more wrinkled as her worries eat her up. He sees and he hates it. At first, she does not understand why he refuses to talk. She thinks it's a rebellious phase, a teenager thing. She smiles and she sits him down and talks to him and when he just stares silently at her with his big blue eyes, she cries. She threatens to make him stay in his room, she cooks him his favourite meals, yells at him, finally pleads with him. He stays silent.

He does not know how to explain to her without words what is going on. He's a teenager, he's so angry sometimes, other times he's sad, and sometimes he just wants to sing at the top of his lungs. He's always been vocal, always been open with his emotions, despite everything.

How can he explain that he is afraid of what this power inside of him will do next? How he cannot be sure anymore what will happen even with the most innocent words? How he does not trust himself to watch his every word enough to make sure none of them will harm. What if he gets angry? What if he gets so angry that he tells someone 'I wish you were dead!'? What if his magic makes it so?

He can't take that risk.

It takes some time, but after a while his mother resigns. Maybe she even understands. The rest of the village takes it in stride, knowing that Hunith's boy was always different, always strange. This is just one more thing to add to the tally. There are no more strange occurrences either. For a while, it seems okay.

***

He sleeps less and less. Looses his appetite. Determination keeps his lips sealed, but it also steals all joy from his life. He is shunned, more than ever before. And inside of him, something bubbles and surges, seeking a way out, making him feel unstable, dangerous. 

His mother sees. She sees more than he thinks, sees through the silence and the facade and the fake smiles for her sake.

"Merlin, I must speak with you."

Silence.

"I should have done this a long time ago. When I first knew you were different I should have done this instead of trying to make you pass as normal. I'm sorry, Merlin. I failed you."

Silence. Gentle eyes, hands that take hers, forgiving, asking her to forgive herself.

"I'm sending you away."

A sharp intake of breathe. Eyes that widen in surprise, then turn pleading. An expression of utter devastation on her little boy's face. Her little boy who is not so little anymore and who is wasting away before her eyes. She steels her heart, knowing what she must do.

"I'm sending you to Camelot. There's a man there, an old friend. He is the only one I know who is versed in ... in the things you can do."

He pleads with his eyes, he begs with touches and hugs and finally with tears, but her resolve is firm.

***

Later that night, he stands at her bed, looking at her sleeping.

"I love you, mom." The voice is raspy from disuse.

He leaves the next morning, never looking back.

***


End file.
